Things I’ve learnt from being accidentally celibate

S-e-x. Yup, I said it. I’ve been thinking for some time about the topic and how I’m lacking in that department. Then it dawned on me, I’m totally celibate and it’s completely by accident. Over the past 18 months, I’ve gone through a rough patch emotionally and I’ve had health issues on top of that and as a result I’ve found myself backing away from that kind of intimacy. Completely. 

Along the way, I’ve learnt a few things…

It’s OK

I’ve spent quite a bit of time thinking my ‘dry spell’ was a bad thing, that it’s not normal to be 27 and not getting any. Then it hit me, so what? I’ve come to the decision that it’s not necessarily a bad thing, in fact it’s totally ok. In fact, it’s quite liberating to be in this position I feel little pressure to ‘get back on the horse’ just because people think I have to. I don’t have to. When I decide to do so, it’ll be on my terms and no one else’s.

More aware of fuckboys

I definitely think I’ve found myself dodging some absolute fuckboys that I probably wouldn’t have before. I’ve become very aware of guys who clearly only want one thing and will wander off elsewhere or avoid you once they’e grafted their way into you good books. I’m all for mutual gratification and I totally respect girls who get it and leave it. Heck, I’ve done that before but now I’m in a totally different headspace. If you’re interested in me, you’ve got to prove your worth and you only get one chance. I’ve had it time and time again, where guys play games and then it’s radio silence because they’ve died moved onto the next. I think I’ve matured enough to try avoid it now, ain’t nobody got time for that!

 

I need to work on me

Self-esteem and confidence go hand in hand. Both of which, I have zero when it comes to going down the dating road. I can happily sit and talk to anyone but if I fancy you or I’m put in a romantic situation, I run for the hills. The thought of putting myself out there makes me feel nauseous. I’m not happy with my body and I’m trying to learn to love myself because really, who’s going to love me, if I don’t? I’m in the period of my life where everyone around me is settling down and I’m contemplating a life alone feeding my cats. I’m 27 and I do feel like time is truly passing me by and I would like to meet someone and fall in love. I seem to not be allowing myself the opportunity and I think that’s why I’ve been avoiding romantic situations.

I respect myself more than I thought

I can definitely say that coming out of a long-term relationship made me explore other options more than I thought I would. Then you realise, once you’re over that relationship that you can’t keep acting like a sex goddess and expect to find someone else. It just doesn’t work like that. I’ve had a few occasions where if I’d been more confident I’d have left my ‘dry spell’ behind but in the back of my mind, I think it’s my respect for myself that stopped me more than anything. Previously, there have been situations where I had awful (especially drunken) experiences that I wished I’d never had. What’s the point in having sex with someone if you regret it later? I’m not saying this is the same for every case but reflecting back on certain times made me realise that now, I completely respect myself more.

Has anyone else experienced this?

Love, Kate xo

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